Shark Bytes

A cult? Is it a cult to worship Jesus or Mohamed?

Oprah's followers just happen to worship a wealthy, spoiled, self-absorbed talk show host whose only goal is financial profit, who revels in material possessions and never practices what she preaches.

Other than that, there is no difference!

Yep, all Oprah has to do is go out on stage and say "I just shit my pants yall" and her adoring fans would laugh approvingly and applaud. Seriously, what kind of cult is this?

But you guys, Oprah is my life-guide! I don't make a move without knowing "What Would Oprah Do?". I make sure that I don't read any books that aren't sanctioned by her, I make sure that I watch only the movies that she says are "wonderful!" and I only use the products that she gives away on her show!

All of you who are ragging on my lady, please quit! I need to keep up the positive vibes toward her so that she can continue to expand my universe with her all-knowing power! Next time you think about mocking her, think to yourself, "What Would Oprah Do?" and then do what she would do! I have a bracelet with WWOD printed on it just to remind me everyday!

Lefty

You are correct, of course, but you stop short of the truth. Without OPRAH the WORLD WOULD NOT EXIST.

Without her message of love and understanding, the world would have destroyed itself long ago. Without her message of spirituality over material things, we would have drowned in consumerism. Without Oprah's book club, we would not only lack books, we would be utterly without knowledge or information

(I don't know how the world survived the long gap between Jesus and Oprah. Thank God we have her now!)

OPRAH is our sun moon and stars, our water and our earth, SHE IS ALL.

(Tomorrow on Oprah, my favorite summer sandals to show off my beautified toes--don't miss it!)

Y'all don't get it, do you? Here's the thing: IT'S ALL ABOUT OPRAH! It really, really is! Without Oprah, the modern TV talk show would NEVER even exist! The gazillions of kids that the Angel Network helps every single day, hour and minute would NEVER exist! Books would NEVER exist! That's right -- without Oprah to talk 'em up on her show, books would be a thing of the past! I'm here to tell you that the woman is a SAINT! A saint, I tell you! Just ask Gail! She knows!

Tune in next week for a very special series on toe beautification! Don't miss it....

Guest (August 5)

That's a great point. I think its part of her clever marketing. Oprah wants to believe she's different--better--than others, and her audience wants to believe it too. That way, her viewers can pretend they have a rich, pampered friend (a view from inside), and live vicariously. If Oprah were shopping and pumping gas like they do (or even admitting she knows how) it would spoil the fantasy for the viewers.

Of course she is NOT their friend--her bodyguards would push them away if they even tried to talk to her on the street. And, as you say, she once did all these things, so she must know how.

I'd rather be Warren Buffet eating at a fast food joint, than Oprah pretending I was born into royalty.

I want to know when Oprah forgot how to be a normal person. She grew up without money, and came up through the ranks living a normal existence. I'm sure she shopped for groceries every week and bought clothes off the rack at a neighborhood department store during her 'pre-success' days. She drove herself around and pumped her own gas -- does that sound like too much of a stretch?

What happened to her when she made her fortunes? She's made a big deal out of not knowing how to shop at Target or at the local grocery store. She claims not to be able to pump gas for herself or to know how to use an ATM.

It's as though somebody flicked a switch and she suddenly forgot how to be normal. I don't get it. It would be one thing if she had come from money and never had to do those things for herself growing up. But that's not the case. Just doesn't make any sense.

I had...

You may be right--perhaps all of Oprah's insecurities begin with her toes (from the ground up, so to speak).

Certainly a year of shows about toe beautification could not be any dopier than the shows Oprah runs now!

Oh come on, Rick....you know deep inside of you that all of Oprah's real problems are caused by her ugly toe syndrome and the extreme emotional pain it causes her.

Maybe toe beautification would help her deal with the frightened little girl inside of her (frightened by the sight of those hideous piggies on her feet)...then she could deal with all of the issues that have taken her over.

Sounds like a whole season of shows to me.

Rick

I couldn't have said it better myself! Well done!

Toe beautification will not repair the ugliness deep down in Oprah's soul.

The ugliness that says I am special, you are not; my opinions count, yours do not; I know best, and you will do as I say.

Maybe she needs to have a 'special' about toe reduction surgery. Or does she believe she can do it on her own? Any really good toe reduction regimens out there?

Maybe she could do a nationwide search to find other ugly toe victims and invite them to all go through toe beautification together with her...

Just a thought.

Sorry, guest, this board is

All Oprah's Toes, All The Time!

Just take another look at those mutant puppies, and you'll understand why we can't stop talking about them.

Does Oprah pay to have somebody paint her toenails? I hear that she doesn't know how.

Can we PLEASE talk about something other than Oprah's toes? Yechh.